The Power of Co-Regulation: How Somatic Therapy Creates Resilient Children

Have you tried all of the parenting techniques but feel like it’s not working?

I have been there. I was following respectful parenting techniques from books and online courses, yet it still felt SO difficult to parent. I was following scripts on how to respond to my children, but somehow, it was not working to build the cooperation and connection with my kids that I wanted. I still felt really frustrated and it felt like a battle to stay calm and say the right things.

What I did not realize at the time was that appearing regulated as a parent when I wasn't regulated did not make them feel safe. I was saying the right things, but they were living in the world of feeling. They could feel my frustration, my stress rising. A lot of the information they were getting from me was nonverbal.

Kids can sense our tension, our micro-facial expressions, and can tell when we, as parents, are dysregulated. It can feel confusing to them and even threatening if we are dysregulated but are pretending we are not. I found that being honest about how I was feeling, looking for ways to teach my body to regulate, and release old triggers brought more safety into our relationship and ended up bringing more of the connection and cooperation with my kids.

What Is Regulation?

Regulation is felt and is not necessarily how you are behaving. You could be saying all the right things but be dys-regulated and have your loved ones feeling that from you. When we are regulated, we spontaneously look at our child with warmth, we are open to their bids for attention, we are affectionate, we can be playful, we can feel frustrated and move through it easily, and we are open to their feelings. Felt sensations may be: breathing is deep and slow, your body is at ease, you feel relaxed but you also have energy to easily move to another activity, and you feel comfortable. When we are dysregulated, it can look different depending on your own body's response and may change depending on the scenario.

Signs of Dysregulation

When we are dysregulated, we may:

• Zone out

• Have a hard time pivoting attention from one task to someone asking something of us

• Spend a lot of time researching parenting to make sure we're doing it 'right'

• Feel 'touched out' or overwhelmed when there are too many things happening

• Have a hard time saying no or disappointing others

• Have little interest in playing with your kids and/or difficulty paying attention to them

• Engage in excessive screen time

• Experience fatigue and apathy

• Engage in people-pleasing or agreeing with others even when you don't want to

More obvious signs of dysregulation include:

• Being snappy

• Feelings of anxiety

• Feeling easily annoyed

• Yelling

• Perfectionism

• Excessive fears around illness or injury

• Arguing with your kids

Now if you're reading this and worried about how your dysregulation affects your kids, don't worry. Some dysregulation is normal and healthy. It's best when to be honest about it, "I'm feeling not myself right now, but I have it handled."

How Somatic Therapy Helps Regulate

Somatic therapy is an approach that focuses on the connection between mind and body, helping process stress and unresolved trauma that can contribute to dysregulation. Here’s how somatic therapy can be beneficial and has been for me:

1. Increases Body Awareness

Somatic therapy helps us parents recognize where we hold tension and stress in our bodies. By identifying these areas, you can practice techniques to release them.

2. Teaches Nervous System Regulation

Through breathwork, movement, and mindfulness, somatic therapy supports parents in regulating their nervous systems, making it easier to remain calm and present with their children.

3. Breaks Generational Cycles

Many of our emotional responses are learned from our own upbringing. Somatic therapy helps parents process past experiences so they don’t unconsciously pass on unhelpful patterns to their children.

4. Enhances Emotional Resilience

By strengthening the ability to stay with difficult emotions rather than reacting to them, us parents can model healthy emotional processing for our children.

The Long-Term Impact of Co-Regulation and Somatic Therapy

Children who experience consistent co-regulation develop stronger emotional intelligence, resilience, and the ability to handle stress effectively. When parents incorporate somatic therapy into their own self-care, they become more attuned, present, and able to meet their children’s needs with greater ease.

By integrating somatic therapy with co-regulation techniques, parents can break free from old patterns and create a more connected, emotionally supportive environment. In time, the co-regulation you provide will evolve into self-regulation, helping your child become a confident and emotionally balanced individual.